perfect kisses

want to hear a sappy love story? because it's 2:24AM, i cannot sleep, and surprisingly only one thing is on my mind. maybe i've been watching too much "one tree hill". (honestly though, i dont think so. because this isn't the only night i've lost sleep over this.)

high school. silly high school. who knew whatever would happen in those four years, a person would take with them forever. both the negative and the possitive, both would stick with you. cause whatever both of those were, those experiences were the baby steps of just what more is to come in life. except, less dramatic, less pimples, and hopefully more money. oh. and nicer cars.

but on nights like these, i forget about the negative and let the possitive intoxicate my mind. 

perfect kisses. anytime that song comes on i let "the apathy eulogy"  lullaby me off to some fantasy world. a perfect world, where there are no negatives, and everything works out for the greater good. no one leaves. everyone get's what they want. and memories are still being created with the people you want them to be created with most. 

but that world doesn't exist. people do leave and people don't always get what they want. if it were that easy, what would the point be?

ready for this sappy love story? (can't believe i'm doing this.)

sometimes i feel like one could call me the ice queen. love is such a far fetched concept for me to wrap my little redheaded mind around. to truly love someone with every fiber in your body. however, it hasn't always been a foreign concept to me.

because when i was 17 years old, i fell far far far into a big pot of perfect silly innocent love.

and beautiful it was. but again, remember that fantasy world, where everything works out? that world doesnt exist here. on this world, life is much different. and i'm beggining to realize that i can plan all i want. i can date whoever i want. i can do whatever i want. but at the end of the day, it really d o e s n ' t  m a t t e r. because at the end of the day, it's not my plan. it's God's, and He calls the shots. (little rascal.)

anyways, back to the sappy love story. i fell into this giant pot of perfect love. and then i graduated, moved away to go to school, and it ended. but did i stop thinking about it? no, because i'm human. but also because i was in love. i still catch myself facebook stalking, thinking, listening to old music, and wondering what if. what if! what if.

but that's not going to bring it all back. i'm a firm believer that if you truly love someone, you'll always love them. some might think i was a typical 17 year old girl, falling in casual highschool love. but this was far more real. so yes, i still think about it most days. but the time has gone and passed. lives change. people change. and remember, in the reality of it... it's not your plan.

so, where does that leave me now.

i am going on a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. i am going to Maceió, Brazil and i leave April 3rd. and i cannot wait. along with leaving on this mission i will be leaving my family, my friends, my job, thecnology, and 
l o v e. 

why? because i know that God has a greater plan for me then i could ever imagine. i know if i do my part, He will do his. 

call me a Jesus freak. but i know my Reedmer lives, i cannot wait for this next chaper in my life. i will always love that boy who made my heart melt when i was 17. but if that was just a preview of the love i will find as i continue to learn and grow old on this earth......

bring it.


xocmjox

wisdom teeth

these dang wisdom teeth have sure ticked me off.

whosever idea it was to put full grown molars into my jawline, let them get all nice and cozy... and then have them ripped and sawed out, and have these empty gaping holes stitched up into my overly sensitive mouth... whosever idea this was. please tell me why.

my friend kylie texted me the day i got those bad boys pulled out. she wished me luck, and warned me that getting hers out literally was the worst thing that ever happened to her. and she said that with no dramatic's being intended.

well kylie, i believe you.

post surgery it wasn't too bad. i came home, passed out in my jeans. posted really weird picture's on instagram, watched all of my old hulu episodes i hadn't got caught up on yet, and ate a snack pack. then 8:00 hit, and so did the vomit that hit the bottom of my bloody gauze filled trash can. stiches in my mouth, vicodin running through my veins, and v o m i t?????? vomit. how dare you wisdom teeth. being a redhead, i'm obviously a little over sensitive to my meds, and with zero food in my stomach... it was a deadly combination. (vomit. really?? really?)

day two wasn't too cheeky either. i again, couldn't eat anything all day. i felt sick. and once 8:00 hit again, more vomit. this time it came in multiple rounds. i even got to the point of straight dry heaving. making demonic sounds and whatever else came out of my mouth. oh! and then the best part. my nose. vomit started coming out OF MY NOSE. how DARE you wisdom teeth. now i had an acid stung nose, a bloody/vomit stanky mouth, zero pain pills in my system, and an aching jaw. w h a t  d i d  i  d o  t o  d e s e r v e  t h i s??????

day three. me, mom, and tay watched "one tree hill" all morning. then they went to church, i thankfully consumed 1/2 of a vicodin, this time with zero vomit! then passed out. woke up had chicken noodle soup. popped a sleeping pill. and asleep i went.

day four. today. my jaw hurts. i'm scared i have a dry socket. or that there is food stuck up there. or it's a halloween curse and i'm a zombie and this is me slowly transforming into a beast of a girl. really, after these past few day's a n y t h i n g could happen. 

i had been all kinds of depressed. not talking to anyone. just shaking my little old head with  yes or no answers whenever my mom asked me something. feeling so so sorry for myself. getting headaches from any text messages, and dreading going back to work. pathetic, i know. 

BUT! megan moo came to the rescue. my dead (<-----i meant dear*, but that typo is too funny to delete....haha) friend megan came to visit me. and how i needed that! i was laughing, joking, and snapping pictures before i knew it. human contact! wwwooooowwww.

tonight i'm sleeping in my bed instead of the couch and/or the recliner chair. and oh! let me tell you. this bed is still just as comfy. and my jaw still hurts.  but i ain't in no hurricane, and my power is still on. so tonight i'll suck it up.

my prayers go out to everyone out on the east coast! especially my dear sweet friends, the reid family. (which they won't really need it, because they got tammy and no one messes with tammy and lives to talk about it. she hit a girl with her car at BYU you know, and that was just a rain storm. could you imagine her in a hurricane!?)

please pray that my mouth heals. 

loves and turtle doves.

keng

turn on the radio

i've been wishing that i was as bad A as reba lately.

i love country. i love reba. and lately i've been in this "everyone sucks. i'm a loser" mood. just like every other girl, i'm sure. 

but oh! how i have been having this eager feeling of wanting to just escape from everyone and everything. from every invisible deadline, and responsibility. to just DO WHATEVER I WANT! what a life that would be, huh?

so instead of running away from life, i crank up some reba and sing about it for a few minutes. then i get over it.

xx

let's try this again

once again, i have stopped blogging. but until someone on my formspring asked why, i didn't see why i had stopped! blogging was such a great outlet for me. i've been really stressed out lately, and down in the dumps. why?! i have no idea. but i do remember when i did feel this way, blogging my heart out kept me sane! this time around i'm no longer going to share my blog posts on facebook, which will probably make me feel like i'll no longer have someone to report to. haha. 

if you have found this blog without searching through my facebook feed, i applaud you. welcome to my little public journal. 

today it's all kinds of gloomy outside. i love cold weather. i love layering, boots, hot coco, the changing colors of the trees, fire's, snuggling up, festival food, finally getting to paint my nails those pretty deep polish colors, and everything else fall and winter have to offer. but the absence of the sun really does make me gloomy. like half of america, i'm almost positive i have seasonal depression. or at least i like to tell myself i do, that way i can blame my "bummy-ness" on something else than just pure lack of motivation. good enough excuse, right?

today i have two haircuts appointment, a color appointment, and a hair extensions appointment. to say the least, i'll be busy.

but i had to blog before i run off to the day. if i could, i would just order food and sit at my house all day watching pretty little liars. 

but i'm a career lady now. and career ladies can't do that.

p.s. the new taylor swift album. what happened to my big curly haired, sequined dressed wearing, guitar strumming taylor? i don't like this dubstep, pop artist, with zero clever lyrics and no "you're missing out loser" songs. call my too country, but this new album is a L-L-L-LET DOWN. ....phew, that feel's good to get off my chest.

am i crazy yet?

moving home is getting the best of me. moses lake is no provo, and where the crap did all of my friends go?

the only cure to not getting depressed, it staying BUSY. and i mean busy with a capital B!

today i signed up for art 101 at the community college in town. why did i do this? to stay busy, so i don't get depressed remember? i also signed up for institute every monday and wednesday. 

why not take institute at night like everybody else you may ask? because i work at a restaurant in town every night all week. and why do i do this? to stay busy, and so i don't get depressed.

and lastly, during the day and whenever i have the free time. i will be doing hair. cutting, coloring, waxing, painting, blow drying, curling, and straightening hair.

again,  so i don't get bored and depressed.

let's hope this all works. and let's hope i have the time to figure this all out.

oh, and let's also hope i have the time to ever have fun.

because fun can also keep a girl from getting lonely and depressed.

cheers to the next three months, cheers.

insanity

i have taken the INSANITY challenge! i am only on day four.. and my body is killing me!
honestly the only place i can really feel the burn is in my legs and shoulders! when is insanity going to start ripping my abs apart!??


can we all agree that your stomach is the hardest thing to work out? maybe i'm too lazy, or just too fat... but i feel like i can NEVER get my stomach nice and tight!


so... fingers crossed that insanity works! these next two months are going to pass whether i'm working out or not, right? so i might as well just do the workouts, right?! (this is the part that ya'll step in and give me motivation to keep going.)


i'm going to press on! i'll let you guys know when my six pack comes in... fingers crossed...


love, k.

justin.

die in your arms. it's been on repeat for days, and i've been singing every word! help me...

gifts.

my mama is notorious for surprising you days after your birthday, or christmas, or any other gift worthy holiday with yet another be-lated gift.

since we were away from home this time around i'll give her a break, but i have to blog about these beautiful rings she bestowed upon me this morning while i was rumbling around in my bed.

i am obsessed with gold and pretty much anything that crap wrap around my sausage fingers. you can find these rings and more katie and chloe jewelry by clicking right here.

the ones i got are the "gatineau staking rings" combo. they're thin enough so they're not too bulky, but thick enough so you're not afraid of bending them as you slap your hand against the metal chair in front of you at concerts (like i always do).

thanks mama

:)

20.

i am so BUGGED with myself! i haven't blogged in ages, and it's eating me. kind of...


i'm currently reading stephanie nielson's book "heaven is here" and in the mists of her being a super hero her love to blog has sparked mine, yet again!


i celebrated my birthday almost two weeks ago.


i am 20 years old. 


the day was celebrated with lots of family, loved ones, and the best of friends.


i got a new laptop. can you say Macbook Pro? i'm still geeking out over it. (how embarrassing.) 


that afternoon we went to "jump on it". a place near provo covered wall to wall with trampolines and foam pits. they literally have trampolines on the walls... i think something is wrong with me. i've been fueling up on the h2o like usual... but every time i jumped i peed a little. yes, peed. and i'm talking EVERY TIME. i took my little 20 year old self to the bathroom to relieve any pee that was trying to escape via jumping up and down, but it kept coming! i haven't gave any births lately that i remember so what the heck is happening?! mama recommend a few "you know what" exercises. lets all pray that they work so i'm not the dork peeing her pants every time she decides to have some fun. we went to chilis for dinner, my newest restaurant addiction! they have the best chips and salsa. i eat it like animal, with it usually dripping everywhere once i'm finished. (currently drooling just thinking about it.) then we went to a comedy club to top the night off. for anyone and everyone living in provo, go to "comedy sports" in provo RIGHT NOW! best choice you'll ever make.


i already miss those mountains, and that pretty happy happy valley.


but i am 20.


my brother is married.


and i have moved back to washington.


not just for the summer, but for the fall. and the winter. and spring. and maybe the next summer. who knows!


i've always tried to convince myself that i would NEVER move back... but here i am. and i would always tell myself that if i did move back it would be oh so temporary. i'm currently eating my words..


being 20, and living back at home. i'm setting a few goals to keep myself a float.


i bought a new leather bound journal, since my last one was on its final stretch with overfilled pages and a broken spine. and with that journal, with me being 20 and all.. i'm going to fill it with everything. (another thing stephanie nielson has inspired to me do.) the things too embarrassing for me to even tell myself will be scribbled into that little book. all my hopes, dreams, crushes, loves, heartbreaks, victories, failures. i want it all there, in the raw.


i'm going to take the insanity challenge! my dad was up at 3:00AM while the girls were away, and what else comes on but an "insanity" infomercial... and that bad boy suckered him right in! it's only a two month ordeal. and the two months are going to by if i'm working out or not! SO LETS DO IT. i hear it's the hardest thing ever, so i will be accepting any and all encouraging voices, and maybe some encouraging brownies just to refuel every once in a while...?


i'm going to get a job. and buy cowgirl boots. and a plane ticket to hawaii to visit cherie.


i want to enroll in gymnastic classes, but that one is still up in the air for now... haha.


and i want to be the best big sister tay's ever had.


i'm still working on more goals... but this will do for now.


let's go.

moving.

load the car and write the note.
grab your bag and grab your coat.
tell the ones that need to know.
we are headed north.

one foot in and one foot back.
but it don’t pay to live like that.
so i cut the ties and i jumped the track.
for never to return



let your faith be bigger than you fear

i  a m   m o v i n g.

in fact, i am moving back to good ol' moses lake...

me and my roommates came to visit the small town over memorial day weekend. and ever since we left my mind has been ticking like a ticking time bomb. the plan was to come back to provo, me being recently licensed as a hair profesh-in-al, and find a job dicing and coloring hair. and i would keep working until i couldn't work anymore. my plan was to attent UVU in the fall and finally start the dream of going into broadcasting and journalism.

b u t . . . my mind kept disagreeing with the idea. i had turned over 20 resumes into places that were hiring, places that i wanted to work, places that i would never want to work, places that i needed a clientel to begin working at, places that had booth rent that i would have to pay with money i didn't have. when people asked me where i was looing at working my answer was... "anywhere and everywhere." after turning in resume after resume, only one salon had called back. only one! dissapointment made my heart ache. so then i began to look at none cosmetology related jobs... why waste my time? and i'm sure my parents were thinking... what waste the $20,000 that was spent on sending you through school? back to square one i went.

i was at the temple last thursday, thinking over and over again on what to do in my jobless situation. as i sat by myself on the white benches facing the font, something in my head said to me... "GO HOME." whhaaaaattt? me. go home? now? why! i couldn't stop thinking about it. when i came home from the temple i had my dear friend, devin give me a blessing to help guide me into making my decision. in the blessing he told me to try to understand what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. he also said that i would find my answer in my patriarchal blessing.

after devin left i sprinted to my room as if the carpet were lava. i grabbed my blessing and hopped onto my bed. i have read my blessing a countless number of times, and this time things i have thought meant one things meant a completely different thing. i read my scriptures. i made my decision. the next day i fasted and prayed about my decision, and at church it was like Heavently Father was punching me in the face through out every meeting. i know what i had to do, and even though i sure didn't want to do it... Heavenly Father wanted me too. when i came home from church i got another blessing, and i knew without a doubt.

so i called my mom and on sunday, i am moving home! not only because i can't find a job and might soon well be homeless... but as crazy as it sounds, i'm moving back to washington because Heavenly Father told me to

wide awake

licensed

welp! i am licensed!! i finally recieved my license in this mail this weekend, and now i am totally legal to start cutting, dying, perming and whatever else you people want from me.

what a relief! i'm so happy to be done with this whole cosmetologist thing, and finally get the chance to start working!

i have big news later.

......stay tuned.

ginger lovin' music monday

round 1 - passed

well children, mama passed one of her final tests before the state will allow this ginger to start doing hair legally.
how am i going to celebrate?

#1 blow all of my itunes gift cards.
#2 buy new shoes.
#3 go to called to surf and buy some cool trendy hipster california born outfit or dress. who knows what they'll have in store for me.
#4 go on a loooonng, long, beautiful run.
#5 pass out via poolside.
#6 have a rock concert in the shower.
#7 last but not least! party. and party hard i will.

unbelievably blessed.

thank you family.

thanks you friends.

 

thank you God.

blown away

you're welcome

left all my problems behind

i've been having nightmares.
every night for the past few weeks.
keeping me tossing and turning in my bed, attempting to run away from my own mind.
today i woke up in a panic. 
looked at the clock, 10:00AM.
how did i sleep so long?
i may have been sleeping in the perfect terror, but i slept through the night at waayy past 6:00AM.

progress.

i woke up to taylor having a rock concert below the guest room i had passed out in last night while reading the third book of the hunger games, mockingjay. trying to prolong the night terrors. the lamp on the night stand still glowing and three too many pillows surrounding me. she was blasting some teeny bopper band that i have no idea about. but it's 10:00AM, on a tuesday. why is she home?

ohhh yes. dentist appointment. taylor goes to a pediatric dentist out of town, so little her got to skip school today. i showered, she bathed, mama showered, and off we went. my head was running a thousands miles per hour the entire way there. over thinking everything i had dreamt of last night. reliving it all. the thoughts ran through my mind and the smell of the farmland surrounding us that began to seep in through the car's vents were making me nauseous. i could feel the trail mix i was attempting to eat begin to crawl up my throat. i just kept telling myself..."breath in your nose, out your mouth."  then just thought, STOP BEING A LITTLE GIRL, AND PLEASE JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID CAR! we have arrived. thank goodness.


taylor's little people dentist visit went quick. then we wondered through old navy, skipped through target, and walked up and down every over sized isle at costco. grabbing every last sample of V8, humus and whole wheat crackers, and gazed over the giant tents and play sets suspended from the ceiling. i've decided that i need a costco card. i love those chocolate covered raisins that they sell by bulk way too much. and please, don't even get me started on those gigantic strawberries! they must be infused with steroids, because those babies are giant. 


we left right at sunset. the green lush mountains that this buzzing city was tucked away in were beautiful. sunlight reflecting off of the trees and the river that cut the town in half. we listened closely to carrie underwood's new cd. every single track, every single word. i chomped on my chocolate covered raisins, mama on her cinnamon licorice, and taylor dinked around on her ipad... trying to beat her high score on angry birds. 


as we buzzed up and down the wine filled hills, my nightmares escaped my mind. i wasn't nauseous. i wasn't uneasy. i was no longer scared.


i had successfully ran away from my own mind.


you can find me and my mama on our leather couches. she gazing over at me as the clock struck 9. "ssoooo... dancing with the stars? (her show) or the voice?... (my show)". this little girl ain't got no tivo. 


the voice it is. and kid cudi is on... ohhh lala. man candy :)


i'm also craving strawberries, sour cream, and brown sugar. who would've thought... strawberries, sour cream, and brown sugar. (thank you brother and sister thompson) ohhh! and strawberry lemonade.


fridge. come at me.

day nine

it's day nine of being in moses lake.

and do any of you realize how adorable my little sister is?

i'm starting a new thaanng. "text's from taylor"
you see, taylor has an iphone, and she's quite the little texter.
sure you have to decode half of it, but she get's the point across.
it's sent most of us into giggle fits so it'll be perfect for the rest of you.

not only does she text, but she's referred to me as ma'am this entire vaca.
my mother went to idaho on wednesday to take my grandmother back home, and i got the privileged to watch taylor. that's when the whole "yes ma'am, no ma'am" thing began. whenever i ask her to do something, she replies "it would be my pleasure". if i'm not ready to party, or have to send a quick email before we run to the store she simple replies... "no rush."
where did this young women come from?! don't get me wrong, she still spits me some sassy comments. or sometimes replies with an... "of course you are." or "yeaahh, yeah. whatever crazy." sometimes i just stare at her to freak her out. only it doesn't freak her out she just stares back and next thing you know we're having a staring contest. which she always wins...


also, if i make her something to eat and it's decent she'll tell me it's good. but when i make something that she really likes it's turns from good, into being the bomb.com. which she says in a dignified matter, eye' s huge, hands raising the roof in excitement, trying to have another staring contest with me. 


i love that little 16 year old.


she's put up with my random dance moves, my urges to create food masterpieces, my addiction to grey's anatomy (which she wondered into the living room sunday night and asked to watch with me, proclaiming how much she liked it. and you know what? i believed her. her eyes fixated on the television, netflix episode after episode.) and every hair style i have attempted on her. when i picked her up after school today she admitted to me that she hid her glasses that i was frantically looking for this morning so we could get her off to school on time. why did she hide them you may ask? so she could stay home with my all day.


she may seem to actually like me by inviting me to go on all these bike rides with her, asking when we can party, and summoning me to a dance party by blasting music in the kitchen and coming at me with all kinds of dance moves... which she's doing right now... but she also keeps dancing on over to the garage door and peeping into that three car garage in hopes to see our mothers red durango roll into her vacant parking spot.


she's got a big heart.


and big scary eyes that she's staring at me with from across the room like a lion would stare at it's prey.


let the staring contest begin.

The Laws of Attraction

Honey, everything is chemical. Everything is physical, and if you want, everything is spiritual. My answer is this: You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake and still sit down and eat it and feel the joy. You can know every note in Beethoven’s Ninth and listen to it and reel with the pleasure. To me, understanding the system expands my wonder. In the wild, all animals are attracted to some other animals and really uninterested in or repelled by others — too old, too young, too scruffy. With the evolution of humanity, it became more refined and more profound and led to a phenomenon we call romantic love. 

Helen Fisher

minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days

i'm starting to forget the concept of time.

but i guess most people do when they step out of the real world and into some place where the only worry that crosses their mind is where to go for lunch, and if we'll have enough t i m e to visit every little store tucked into the street's and boulevards that have comforted them their entire life.

going h o m e is an escape.

on sunday the only place my mama was letting me go was the doctor. other than that i was chained to the couch. and yes, i watched every tremors movie ever created on netflix. tremors 2, tremors 3, and tremors 4. ohhh the glory of having netflix right here on our over sized plasma television. if only they had jurassic park on instant que. all of you go listen to "hey mama" by my boy kanye. and that is my mother. homemade chicken noodle soup is what filled out bellies sunday night. along with warm rolls, the best cheesecake salad in the west, and sweet sweet corn. i painted my nails and fell asleep on the couch just as scheduled. 


monday is moon's day. i woke up early. being home does that to me, but i kind of like it. i laid on my mothers bed and watched her get ready, all like i was four years old again. but we weren't talking about how to tie my shoes or singing primary songs anymore. we were talking about boys, where to work, roommates, and the summer i have ahead of me. we went to the bistro for lunch. and yes, i wore my sunglasses the entire time. me and my grandma wondered around the bistro's side shop full of little home decor trinkets, decorations, and every kind of cooking appliance or dish thinkable. we went and got frozen yogurt, picked taylor up from school, and came home. later that evening we went and watched "the lucky one". and glory glory! that movie melted my heart. except for the one too many sex scenes that we made taylor cover her eyes for, nicholas sparks has done it again. and i have only had it confirmed again, that i need to marry a boy from the south. and live and die in a town in north carolina. we came home. i opened up my moms bedroom window, put on one of my dad's big t shirts, curled up in a ball on her bed, and watched the voice. aka. the greatest show ever. i feel asleep and woke up to a storm outside. the blinds being blown back and forth, cracking against the window pane. rain pouring outside. a spring storm. 


today i woke up even earlier. 6:50AM. so what do i do? i blog. i listen to the lucky one soundtrack and i blog.