Wednesday, May 18, 2011

nothingness not being nothing, nothingness being emptiness

i hate nightmares. but then again, who doesnt?

i honestly have no idea why all of a sudden this year i have been bombarded with dream after dream. most of them unforgettable, all of them with some meaning behind them.

today i woke up horror-struck. i rolled out of bed, went into the bathroom, flipped on the light switch, grabbed my tooth brush, and began brushing. still terrified from what i had woken up from, i was staring at my feet trying to forget every single image that was still flashing across my mind like pictures in a hand held plastic toy picture slide i played with as a little girl. you know, the one that you would stick the thick sheet of paper who's outside brim is covered in pictures, into the plastic goggle like picture viewer.

so i stood there, staring at my feet, trying to erase that dream, and then a long sliver spider crawled out from under my toes and ran across my tiled floor. 

my heart stopped for seconds, and the dream ran right through me again.


it was me and stephanie.
we were walking through a destroyed city.
buildings were smoking, there was nothing to see but rubble, and every person i made eye contact with looked empty. there was nothing in anyone's eyes, only stephanies.
and the look in her eye's was panic.
there was a long line under a concrete bridge. the one that cars would drive over at late hours of the night, and the kind the homeless would live under.
the line was formed under this bridge, and against a chain fence that surrounded a productive factory.
a terrifying factory. one who's steam that rose from it's vents nearly looked like the devil's smirk itself. 
those who i told you about before, the ones that looked empty, got in line and began to wait. 
shuffling farther and farther away as the line began to move.
not knowing what else to do, me and stephanie took a spot in line.
we weren't the only ones whose eyes were filled with fear.
as we watched everyone else, the others stricken with fear stood out like an elephant in a chicken coop.
we scanned the line when we spotted my aunt and uncle, jana and brad.
and with them, our cousins.
they had that same terrified look in their eyes.
me and stephanie ran to them, and when we opened our mouths to talk, nothing came out.
we had so much to ask, so much to tell, so much to question.
but nothing. nothing came out.
so we stood in line. 
as we grew closer and closer to the front of the line, we found ourselves in a stepford neighborhood.
it was dark, and the dim street lights barely illuminated the cold and wet black top we stood on... still in line.
we were close enough to see the front of the line, and there was a man holding a list.
by him stood another man, or women, or child.
i instantly identified these people as part of some kind of cult. 
 they didn't look right. 
they had that empty look, and a smile that literally reached ear to ear.
their eyes were over sized for their small skulls, and their fragile body had such unbelievable strength.
the man would look at whoever was at the front of the line, mumble something to them, and then tell the person with him in this "cult", to take them away.
as they did, the innocent individual would yell a blood curdling scream and fight to break from the cult members grip.
as we watched no one could escape the grip of the boney white arms that encircled them.
and as badly as we wanted to get out of line, we couldn't.
our legs would barely let us shuffle our way in line, let alone run away from any of the disfigured beings that surrounded us.
it was our turn.
stephanie grabbed my hand, and then looked at the man.
we told him of our mother in washington, with our down syndrome little sister.
and of our dad in north dakota.
and of our brother in mexico.
and the babies that our sisters were pregnant with, when he stopped us, and told us to enter the neighborhood.
confused we walked hand in hand to the first hiding spot we could find.
a luscious tree house.
we had climbed to the top room, when we heard our cousins, aubree and megan climb into the tree house as well.
they had gotten free from the man, but they weren't alone. 
they had brought three teenage boys with them. 
me and stephanie sat at the top of the tree house and listened.
these boys weren't right, their voices were filled with some evil poison, and aubree and megan were feeding off of them.
i looked at stephanie and asked if we should go down and let them see us.
she looked me in the eyes and said; "no way in hell."
next thing i knew we were on the ground outside of the tree house.
we could still hear the boy's voices, stephanie grabbed me, and we began to walk up the street.
the line was still visable from where we were, as was the tree house, and the empty eyed people that flashed an empty tooth smile at us as we passed them.
it was as if we were in a perfect ghost town.
trash had consumed the sidewalks, and the perfect houses that lined the street had their lights dimmed to the perfect eery hue.
stephanie kept telling me we were getting out of here, and she scanned house by house until we were infront of a one story tan broken windowed home. 
we walked to the front door, and stephanie opened it. 
we then walked inside, and as i looked to my right i saw a man and women staring at the water in the over sized pool that was in their front living room.
distracted by whatever was being shown to them in the water, stephanie found their car keys, and we were out.
she unlocked the car, i opened my door that now, wouldn't shut, and got in.
as soon as stephanie started the engine, the three boys that had been in the tree house just minutes before were marching up the street, staring us in the eye.
their eye's weren't empty, they were filled with rage, and they were chanting.
stephanie hit the gas, and we were flying down the street.
we were about to reach the three boys when our cousin megan passed the car.
it was like in the movie the ring. when samara crawls out of the tv and petrifies her victims, leaving their face distorted and ruined.
that was what megan looked liked, they had gotten her.
aubree was no where to be found.
and before we knew it the three boys were right in front of us.
other disfigured cult members began walking towards the car, with their ear to ear smiles, they knew we weren't changed yet.
they were coming to change us.
stephanie grabbed my hand, and i heard her begin to sob.

then i woke up.

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