the internet is a telephone service that's gotten uppity

today, (as if it isn't obvious enough) i'm so thankful for technology.

you see... i haven't heard from my dear brother scott for months now. of course he sends the family emails here and there, but our one on one chats have been put on pause for too long. so when i checked my email in class today i was about as giddy as a school girl when i saw his name pop up in my inbox.

the subject of the email; KENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so simple. but i knew that email was for me, and only me. that's whats up.

it fathoms me how scott automatically knows when i'm having a bad day, a bad week, or a bad month. he's 1,759 miles away (which is only 1 day and 7 hours worth of driving........hmmm...;)), but it never fails. he always, and i mean always knows. no matter what the situation is, small or large, i hear from him before i even consider sending him a pity email of my insignificant problems. and yes, he's in the most spiritual moment of his life. he's probably receiving some type of "revelation" about me, because the things he says makes me look at everything in a whole other light. i don't feel as unimportant when i talk to scooter. 

he knows more about myself then i do, and he dreams all of it. you all may think i sound crazy, but i can't even count how many times his emails have been filled with different dreams about me, his sassy younger sister. of course i've dreamt about scott, i miss him. but nothing as serious as what he dreams about. all i can say is..

i've been told more then once in my life, by very prestige priesthood holders, that the adversary craves me. as i'm sure it does many of us in this time. i've never been so terrified of something so powerful, and to live in constant fear of having to face it alone haunts me. but today i realized that i'm not alone. scott is holding my hand every step of the way. he's been here the entire time. pulling me away from every cliff, throwing himself in front of every bullet, and egging whoever's house that messes with me. (you know who you are)

sometimes i feel so alone out here by myself, and then i get over it. but i couldn't do it without my big brother. even if he's in a whole different country. 

169 days