unable are the loved to die.

reality hit me like a bullet today, and continued to eat at my heart until now. 

actually no, it's still eating at me. 

a girl from school has a down syndrome brother. i'm not sure how old he is, but judging from the picture's i've seen he can't be any older then eight. words cannot describe how adorable he is. this girl, let's call her sally.. hadn't been at school for a while and today we found out why. sally's little brother, the one with downs... had passed away.

my blood raced to my heart, my ears began to burn, and before i knew it i had tears.

taylor.

i wanted to be with her right that second, doing time wasting sister things and being silly adolescent girls.

 i dont care what we did, i just wanted to be with my little sister. i needed to be.

i instantly envisioned watching her sit and watch the jonas brothers on youtube, pounding alena on the carpet with her self made grip from her tiny callused thumb, most likely decorated with chipping nail polish me or stephanie had painted on.

and then i saw her. my little taylor.

criss cross applesauce with her overly flexible limbs, arms folded, most likely holding a diet or a peanut butter cup, looking up at me with her perfectly round face, glasses hanging all goofy like from her ears, and her grin reaching from ear to ear. 

my heart sank deeper, and i had to excuse myself from the room before i lost it. 

i was disappointed.

disappointed in myself.

for every night that i left her, home alone with my parents, sisterless. 

not saying there's anything wrong with hanging out with the rents, but i had rejected almost every sleepover she invited me to.

that smile i was envisioning quickly turned into that heart breaking frown taylor does when she's truly sad.

and for all of you that's seen it, it's will shatter you.

i sat there disgusted at myself.

this little angel of a sister, simply wanted a small amount of my time, and that was it.

she didn't want to barrow a shirt, or money.

she just wanted me. 

and i denied her countless number of times.

we're 739.7 miles apart, and i think about her everyday. 

the thought of her being taken away from me so suddenly makes my heart explode.

the fact that i doubt that she has any idea how much she means to me is haunting.

she can't just not know that.

she needs to know that, and she needs to know that as soon as possible.