you're not ugly, society is

alright, so when you first donated plasma they give you a nice little physical. mine was amazing, i'm a healthy little one! buuuuuuutt... my weight was a little too healthy for my liking. i know that i have preached about true beauty, inner beauty, loving who you are, and never letting society change what you think of yourself. but in that moment when i stood on the scale and my nurse told me i weight 1** pounds, i nearly shized in my pants. i know i have been living up this new college life, and i mean really living it up. but that number wasn't okay.

you see,there is a difference between loving exactly who you are, and letting exactly who you are slowly fade into something you never were suppose to be. many of you quickly think to this "image that you're not suppose to be" is the image of being overweight. i can guarantee that's exactly the first thought that enters your mind. that fear of becoming fat is the only thing that can really ruin the perfect human that you are.


but then there's the side of ruining ourselves that most of us forget. it's comes with the fear of becoming fat, but instead of becoming fat, we starve ourselves. we blure that perfect image of us, because we don't truly believe we're perfect. we're not fat, but we're never quite skinny enough. we forget about all the true factors that make us what we are. genetics, height, hobbies, friends, jobs, our families and much much more. the people and things we surround ourselves with everyday begin to not matter anymore. we no longer want their opinions, we want the approval from people we don't even know. we want it from society, we want it from strangers on the street. we suddenly have this urge to be wanted for something we never quite were. not only do we lose the image we have held our entire life, we lose who we really are.



i'm sure this concept of staying true to yourself seems to get harder and harder with every story or speech that is delivered to whoever is reading this. but, the one thing i realized when i discovered i weighed a wee bit more than i wanted, was that i already knew i weighed much more than i wanted to. i wasn't happy with myself before i stepped on that scale, and i sure wasn't happy when i stepped off either. i knew i wasn't suppose to weight that much. as i began to eat differently, and work out 4 times a day..(i have a time crunch people!).. i realized that i'm liking where i'm getting, but maybe getting a little obsessed with it? even though it's only been about week since i've made this discovery, i've already caught myself skipping meals on purpose or working out after i've ate anything, just to make sure i never saw a trace of it on my body.


now that, is not okay. sure, i still feel like i have some work to do. and i do feel being slightly overweight is cheating yourself on who you really are, but i also feel like pushing the boundaries of loosing weight almost to the limit, is cheating yourself even more.

it's tough to find who you really are, but after you do you'll never want to let that person go.