purpose

every night as i kneel down to say my nightly prayers i  a m  o v e r w h e l m e d.
overwhelmed from the day, duh. 
but i catch myself being more overwhelmed by Heavenly Father's love for me that i was able to feel through out my day.
more overwhelmed by my Lord's love, than by the 13 hour shifts at school. more than the food missing from my pantry (because i am far too busy to go to that thing you call a grocery store). more than my small and minor church callings. more than studying note card after note card on how many bones are in the foot, or what the orbicularis oculi is, all for my final state board exam that the time is ticking for me to take. more overwhelmed than my room that seems to only get messier and messier everyday, or the clothes i unwilling mop my carpet with as i stumble around my dark room trying to find something to wear in the mornings without waking up the roommate. more than the showers that are too short for me to shave my legs, or the lunches too short for me to not stress over every minute i'm away from school, or the hours of sleep i can never seem to find. more overwhelmed than searching for every nickle, penny, and dollar i can find and tucking it into my jewlery box to save. because every coin and every valuable thin slip of green paper counts.

but get this. all of that. all of those "worries" that one would think would overwhelm someone are so SMALL. as am i. i'm only 19 (almost 20, let's not forget), and all i'm doing is trying to finish hair school, get a job, and live righteously. i don't have mid terms or finals to worry about, i don't have a family to feed, i don't have children to raise, i don't have a spouse or a boyfriend to attend to, i don't have colleges to be accepted to or a mission to be called to (not quite yet anyways), i don't have l i f e coming at me too quickly just yet. even though it feels like the world is whipping around me, stealing every breath out of my little lungs, i'm just 19.


so just m e. this 19 year old girl, finishing hair school, living in provo, utah. why me? what makes me so special... or maybe, w e a k . . . that i need to feel His love for me every day, within every week, within every month. i may be weak, and yes i do need it, but i think He mostly does it because He never wants me to forget how much He loves me. He doesn't want me to go a second, without remembering of how much he worries about. ME! the girl that's doing so little, but does He care? of course He doesn't. i'm still a daughter that He eagerly desires to return back to home, to His kingdom.


i forget that. that not only have i been living every day, doing what i do. but that He's been watching. knowing when i'm weak, or scared. knowing when to make his presence noticed. knowing when to shower me with blessings, or when to give me something small enough to get me through my trials, to fill my lungs with air again, and to fill my heart with hope.


no matter how small or insignificant i feel at times, i am everything but that.


i am a daughter of God. i have purpose. i am not forgotten.