keys

i wish my grandpa was here.

i want to run to driggs, skip up that narrow side walk, climb up those tiny steps, and hop onto his lazy boy with him. or even the one cool chair with the remote to make it rise and decrease in height, the one grandma hates for us to play with, but the one i remember seeing my grandpa last sit in as he told grandma she looked like she was gaining a little weight as she cleaned the family room. he winked at me and smiled. he knew how to push her buttons, and he didn't do it out of harshness, he did it because he was grandpa and he could.

i miss that red flannel button up. not a lumber jack flannel, a fancy one. the one i always looked for when i would run out into the bustling crowd after dance recitals and competitions.

the one he would wear when he dropped me off at school. me, worried that he wouldn't find his way back home. and him excited to come pick me up for lunch.

that red flannel is what i always remember him wearing as he would fall asleep rocking grand kids back and forth, preparing the fire pit for our traditional family bonfires, sneaking treats out of the pantry hoping that grandma wouldn't catch him, and leaning against some wall, some where, admiring his family as if we were all celebrities filming a movie.

on random weeks, on random days, at random times, i feel you here. and as i peek over my shoulder, the last thing i see is that red flannel.

please stay longer next time. 

i have so much to tell you.

honest hearts produce honest actions

ALIVE

my computer has been saved!!
i'm so thankful for my ward, and for men willing to help a damsel in distress.
thank you aaron. you saved my life.

i was so happy when he told me i was good as gold, i wanted to tape him to my wall and keep him forever. like this..

LET'S BLOG :)

florence

thank you oh so much for being an indie gaga.

 

"...i took the stars from our eyes, and then i made a map

and knew that somehow i could find my way back

then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too

so i stayed in the darkness with you..."

i hope being cute is a genetic

conner and his little brother jace (my nephews) have always been fascinated with my pet fish. i remember when i first brought them home the two boys sat on my bed for hours staring into the crystal clear tank, wanting to feed my new fish every two seconds, poking their finger's in and out of the water to see if the fish would bite, and asking my favorite question... "can we hold them?"

apparently when conner came home from school he ran up to my sister kellie, and said... "mommy, when we get our new house we're going to get a fish and a turtle and put them both in a tank so they don't walk away." (you all are thinking of a fish and turtle walking out of your room right now, aren't you?) he asked kellie what fish eat, and her response: "fish food and turtle food?" conner's response, "nooooo. no mommy. i think we should call aunt kendra and ask her."


he called, i missed it, but he left the cutest voice mail.

i could hear kellie and jess prepping him with questions in the background.
he said hello, asked me the simple question of what fish eat, and when kellie told him to say "talk to you later" he paused for a good few seconds and then said... "she won't talk."

i got a perma grin. it was so simple, but exactly what i needed after a stressful day.

i miss my nephews. and oh, you too abbs.

k.p.

all i want for my 19th year of life is a big fancy dancy camera, and a phat fish lens to snap pictures like this;

  june 22nd, please come faster.

don't hope, decide

every wednesday, the head esthetician instructor comes into our cosmo class and gives us all what we like to call "a therapy session". i've blogged about it once before, and although we always trash talk her sessions due the intensity of her small quiet voice, and the tension that gathers in her wrinkled forehead and melts into her small crinkled eyebrows and stern eyes... her therapy sessions are awesome. she's like a gypsy.

me and lacey almost passed out while watching a bikini wax, so we stepped outside to get some fresh air and when we came back the nomad was preaching. and we came back in perfect timing.

she was telling a story of a girl who had a life changing moment at an airport. i couldn't tell this story as good as the beholder of it, so i googled that crap. and here it is...



While waiting to pick up a friend at the airport in Portland, Oregon, I had one of those life-changing experiences that you hear other people talk about — the kind that sneaks up on you unexpectedly. This one occurred a mere two feet away from me.

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.
First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, “Me too Dad!”

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.

For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?

“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those.” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. “Two whole days!”
Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks – if not months. I know my expression betrayed me.
I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”

The man suddenly stopped smiling.

He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend… decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!”

With that, he and his family turned and strode away together. I was still watching that exceptional man and his special family walk just out of sight when my friend came up to me and asked, “What’cha looking at?” Without hesitating, and with a curious sense of certainty, I replied, “My future."

i've been thinking a lot about my life lately. you know, that deep girl thinking we all do.

"who am i?" "why am i here?" "what is my purpose?" blah.. blah.. blah...

with school consuming most of my time i'm constantly thinking about my career. 

where am i going to work after i graduate? am i going to stay in utah? probably not. should i go home and work? save up.. go to college. buy a car? probably.. should i let dardy hook me up, and go work in hawaii? live it up for a year or two? ...or twelve? greatest ginger idea i've ever had. 

then i wonder about all that lovey dovey fairy tale romances i read about in the books.

the one's i've face palmed out of my life, the ones i don't believe in. 

the promises that i've made myself to never marry.

and when i heard this story, a memory flashed right before my own eyes.

it was only a few days old, but i saw a couple completely and utterly in love.

they were perfect. not perfect people, but together they made each other perfect.

heck, they were perfect people.

by being perfect, working hard to be faithful to themselves, their families, and everything they believed in they were blessed with eachother. 

she's flawless. and he was the most handsome man i'd ever seen.

when i first saw them interact, jealously began to boil in my toes and fill the chambers of my stone heart.

but as i continued to creep, my heart turned to mush.

my shoulders relaxed, and the fog that had been steaming in my mind for months cleared.
growing up i've always hoped and dreamed for that. and i always finding myself saying;
"i hope my husband just loves me the way i am. i hope after everything i find my prince charming. i hope i'm not alone forever. i hope i'll find him soon. i hope... i hope... i hope..."
but as i watched that couple, i was done hoping.
and for the first time i saw exactly what i wanted.

i'm a belieber

seeing the family this weekend was amazing.

i cannot tell you all how many times taylor reminded us all that "she's a belieber".

when i was giving her a pedicure (her being over protective over her tinsy toes and gripping the arms of the pedicure chair with her white knuckles) she would reassure me she was fine by looking me in the eyes and saying..."i'm fine. i'm a belieber."

when i was waxing my dad's nose, yes waxing my dads nose. it's awesome. go get it done. anyways, while waxing my dads nose, him wincing and not enjoying it in the slightest, taylor held his hand and said..."suck it up! stop being a pansy! be a belieber!"

we went to park city, and as we rolled out of steph's driveway i told tay to buckle up, she look's at me and says..."i'll be fine. i'm a belieber."

the whole bam fam was going to the movie, "unknown" saturday night. once taylor got the news that it wasn't justin's movie "never say never" (which she's already seen) the tears began to role. "but i'm a belieber." she kept saying. so mom decided that me and tay could hit up two movies that night. "unknown" AND "never say never". i wont even try to pull the tough card, i wanted to see that bieberlicious film more than everything. we sat in our seats for "unknown" and counted down the minutes until it was bieber time. countless times during the movie taylor would lean over and whisper... "i'm so confused." "i have no idea what's going on." and when i complained about having to use the restroom every 15 minutes she would elbow me and say, " you think you'll be okay? do you need some help? go already!" 


so after many bathroom trips, the first movie was over and it was BIEBER TIME. my dad went to get the tickets while we all waited in the lobby, and when he came back he delivered the news that the projector had broken, and "never say never" had gotten canceled. tears began to gather on the edge of taylor's eyes and down her cheeks they rolled. no way jose. like lightening my little ginger fingers went to work on my handy dandy iphone and i found the soonest showing of "never say never", i grabbed the keys to the durango from my dad, grabbed taylor, and off we were. we straight thug bumped J.B. tracks the entire way there, screaming our lungs out and getting overly giddy with joy until we rolled into the parking lot of theater number two. we skipped in (literally), bought some reese's peanut butter cups and booked it into what would be my new favorite movie. 

i laughed, cried, and got butterfly's the entire movie. how dare you justin. giving me that beiber fever. me and tay gawked at the screen, and after every scene we would look at each other with drooling smiles.

whenever justin performs "one less lonely girl" he pulls a random girl from the audience, brings her on stage, gives her a giant bouquet, sits her down on a stool, and serenades her, and her only. it's the hottest thing i've ever seen on a movie screen. after showing girl after girl, concert after concert, get serenaded by that flawless young man, tay would elbow me and whisper..."that's going to be you."

a girl can only dream.

oh, how i wish i grew up in detroit... so i could get me a piece of this.

 

  

aight. i found myself some wifi.. :) lets blog.

go ahead

take chances. tell the truth.
date someone totally wrong for you.
say no. spend all your cash.
get to know someone random.
be random. say i love you.
sing out loud. laugh at stupid jokes.
cry. apologize. 
tell someone how much they mean to you.
tell a jerk what you think.
laugh until your stomach hurts.
regret nothing.

the rules are... they're aint no rules.

i need myself some "grease" movie watching time.

and that jacket...

a heartbeat at my feet

i don't have many memories about living in idaho as a kid, but i'll never forget one day specifically.

 all us kids were at home, causing a ruckus.

running out in the corn fields and playing baseball with rocks, or at least thats what i remember..

mom was at work, and dad had just gotten home.

i'm pretty sure i was one of the last kids to run to the front yard.

i pushed through mini crowd of siblings that had already surrounded my dad, and thats when i saw him.

the fluffiest saint bernard puppy i had yet seen in my life.

and he was ours.

whether mom knew about it or not.

we moved around, and to be honest i was too young to remember much.

but i do remember loving that dog. 

my grandparents had a saint bernard, and heck.. it might've been the same dog.

ben.

i'll never forget when he saved me from the angry goats my grandma had.

like a knight on a white horse.

well, where the fetch is my knight on a white horse now? 

i'm ready for a puppy.

A SAINT BERNARD PUPPY.

aawwwhh yeaaaahhhh.

 

 

the second i'm out of student housing for good i'm taking the plunge. 

more like tuesday's with satan.

woke up too late to shower.
was a grease monkey.
no breakfast.
the sink ate one of my most prized possessions.  
(one of the diamond earrings my mum gave me on my 18th birthday) 
had a meltdown.
wore the one earring the rest of the day, too scared to let it out of my sight.
got put in dispense to work my laundry magic and wash at least 300 towels.
(which i can usually do in record speed)
broke the washer.
leaving only fifteen clean towels.
thought i was going to a job fair at 11:00.
told the new secretary i couldn't take a client because i didn't have time, when i did.
we weren't leaving till 11:45, and this client is an angel.
she was referred to me, and i shut her down.
led the way to the job fair.
scratch that.
led the wrong way to the job fair.
making us all 45 minutes late.
ate a disgustingly disappointing lunch.
heard relentless stories of abusive marriages ending in divorce.
was convinced to promise myself never to marry.  
(the unknown terrifies me) 
did the best cut and color in my school carreer yet.
and my client hated it.
came home.
crumbled onto my bed.
feet aching, hips shooting pains.
pulled out that old box of memories.
looked through the pictures, letters, sea shells, handmade gifts, and hello kitten band-aids.
cranked up some pink.
and let it all sink in

tomorrow will be better. 

...i'll have both my earrings in. 

 

 

love is the only gold

i nailed it. the "parcel" waiting for my in the office was without a doubt the greatest valentines package ever. mama hooked it up. too much candy to eat in one sitting, but lets just say i definitely did some damage, and am now possibly obese. not only was the package heavier then a semi, but it was loaded with gift cards to my favorite restaurants, lindor and dove chocolates, a money in an adorable valentines mug, a giant bag of swedish fish, A MASSIVE pop rock packet with a giant heart sucker, and more and more candy. oh! and i almost forgot the valentine pancake mix. it looks nothing less then delicious. my roommates were more then impressed, and i have dibs on making breakfast for everyone in the morning. even though i hate valentines day, i love love. and i'm not too upset about extending this party for our party at school tomorrow. get ready ladies, it's going to be a picture frenzy. back to my mum. thanks for taking the time and though to preparing this package full of goodies for me. and tell taylor i loved her scribbled "i love you." i smiled like a three year old when i saw that. can't wait to see you both. thanks to richard's apartment for taking the time to tag every girls door with valentines. the laffy taffy was delightful. thank you to my marinello girl friends, those valentines made me feel like i was in third grade all over again. and i loved every second of it. tyler, please call me again for date advice. you looked smoking, but remember what i told you, i'll be there in a few months. let's keep that in mind before getting too serious. aaaeeee! thanks for putting that new light bulb in kate. our room is no longer as dark as the depths of hell, and i can actually see. in fact, i think i can see my own organs due to how bright that bulb is. love it. auuubbree. don't think i forgot about you. ding dong ditching that delicious cookie on my door step. i inhaled in a record time. love you cousin. and thanks to candace for bringing home a heart shape pizza from papa murphys, and dropping this on my bed and running off like an embarrassed kid at recess. i giggled...

 

first valentines day away from home wasn't too shabby.

but that doesnt mean anything. i still hate this made up holiday.

miss you mckinzie.

ding dong, the witch is dead

finally. 

michelle money didn't get a rose.

maybe brad isn't as naive as i thought.

who else is team emily?

i am.. :)

that barbie of a mother teresa better win.

"she went out on a limb, had it break off behind her, and then realized she could fly..."

who cares if we're trashed, got a pocket full of cash we can blow

hey bruno, how does it feel to be owned by glee with your own song?

this never gets old. i love. so much better than the original.

(and i would catch a grenade for all of them)

let the countdown begin

i'm taking this time to mentally prepare myself to have my mind blown with the events that will occur this week.

tomorrow is just monday... or is it? boom! annual anti-valentines day party! black clothes and scary movies. can't wait. i have a "parcel" waiting in the office for me. but of course it's been closed all weekend. i'm thinking it's my valentines package from my mum. oh, how i hope i'm right.

kate leaves in two days for canada.
the down side to that is one, i'll have an empty room. and two, canada sucks. poor girl.. the upside? i'll be able to dance nakey in our room. (por fin)

"he is we" is coming to salt lake on thursday, and you know what that means. concert buddies, sweaty strangers, a psycho ginger going ballistic gripping the stage, and lots and lots of "my forever" love in the air.

friday the bam fam is here. dad, tay, and mama. which means lots of time with taylor, and of course steph. which leads to mason. i miss that little button. plus, my parents aren't too shabby. a visit is exactly what we all need. i just wish ryan, ape, and kellie bo bellie were coming with. i miss my family.

you all havent forgotten about my best friend have you? breanna lynn haddican? well, she'll be here friday too. my best friend tank has been running on E. i need that blonde.

and while we're at it let me remind you all.

167 days until scooters home.

if this week was a penguin, my level of excitement would look like this.

(15 years younger of course)

please oh please, let my ten hour school days make all these come quick. 

permite comenzar

it's empty in the valley of your heart. the sun, it rises slowly as you walk. away from all the fears, and all the faults you've left behind

i love

you can't reread a phone call

school has been owning me.

i've been nothing but exhausted the past few weeks, and today i hit rock bottom. my stomach has been constantly nauseous and my head unbearbly dizzy due to a lack of sleep, and i've been going to bed disgustingly early. i started this lovely saturday with aching knees and feet, and today after having client after client it began to wear on me..

 i finally got my lunch break... two hours late... and i rushed home to grab my wallet. i was running around like a jack rabbit on drugs because i had to  head to cafe rio, (i'm low on groceries, alright?) grab my lunch, and inhale it before my next client showed up in about ehh.. 20ish minutes. i ran inside the apartment, on a mission to find my wallet in less then 2.5 seconds and this little treasure caught my eye...

you bet your bottom dollar i picked that sucker up in seconds and off i was. on my scenic walk to cafe rio i ripped that sucker up and found the cutest card from my father :) i loved his return address. the "great white north" is an understatement for north dakota's daily highs of negative twelve. sounds toasty, doesn't it?  

i'm going to admit it right now. when i read my dad's card tears immediately began to flow down my rosy cheeks. and before you all begin to let worry cloud your minds and let the lingering questions of "oh my goodness, what's wrong with keng? she's gone so soft. oh my gosh. whaaa." THEY WERE TEARS OF JOY LADIES AND GENTS! tears of joy. i can honestly say it was the cutest letter i've ever gotten. usually my mom will write her own tidbits on the cards she gets us because the out dated ink already pressed into the card stock isn't quite enough. but this wasn't no mama's card, this was from the greatest man alive... 

i started to read the card, and the original ink began to say this.. "things to love about a daughter like you:" 

my mind instantly began to wonder to all the small details my dad had pressed into the paper with his own ink pen. of course the first thing i saw was.. "free haircuts". that made me chuckle. and then i kept reading.."good dancer. great daughter. not boring. great sister. good writer (blog). can do anything attitude. funny laugh. shout for joy. unstoppable. great photographer." and the last one, which is my favorite... "fist pump."

already choking up, i opened the card and with a check mark by it the card then said.. "everything. happy valentines day."

out fell a walmart gift card, i finished reading my dads heartfelt card and followed his instructions of "buy something fun".

thanks for always believing in me dad. pointing out the best in me when i forgot.

and reminding me that there's no limit to what i'm capable of.

every time i look at my dream catcher i think of the story you told me right after 

you surprised me with that piece of work.

you know the one.

  i miss you very much, and i cannot wait for our dinner date.

love, your daddy's girl.

say hello to my little friend

his name? smalls. 
he has two more tank friends... his massive body just covers every inch of them.

seattle, mid july

dearest katy, i WILL be attending your california dreams concert...

and i'll make everyone go oh! oh! oh! #representin'

the internet is a telephone service that's gotten uppity

today, (as if it isn't obvious enough) i'm so thankful for technology.

you see... i haven't heard from my dear brother scott for months now. of course he sends the family emails here and there, but our one on one chats have been put on pause for too long. so when i checked my email in class today i was about as giddy as a school girl when i saw his name pop up in my inbox.

the subject of the email; KENG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so simple. but i knew that email was for me, and only me. that's whats up.

it fathoms me how scott automatically knows when i'm having a bad day, a bad week, or a bad month. he's 1,759 miles away (which is only 1 day and 7 hours worth of driving........hmmm...;)), but it never fails. he always, and i mean always knows. no matter what the situation is, small or large, i hear from him before i even consider sending him a pity email of my insignificant problems. and yes, he's in the most spiritual moment of his life. he's probably receiving some type of "revelation" about me, because the things he says makes me look at everything in a whole other light. i don't feel as unimportant when i talk to scooter. 

he knows more about myself then i do, and he dreams all of it. you all may think i sound crazy, but i can't even count how many times his emails have been filled with different dreams about me, his sassy younger sister. of course i've dreamt about scott, i miss him. but nothing as serious as what he dreams about. all i can say is..

i've been told more then once in my life, by very prestige priesthood holders, that the adversary craves me. as i'm sure it does many of us in this time. i've never been so terrified of something so powerful, and to live in constant fear of having to face it alone haunts me. but today i realized that i'm not alone. scott is holding my hand every step of the way. he's been here the entire time. pulling me away from every cliff, throwing himself in front of every bullet, and egging whoever's house that messes with me. (you know who you are)

sometimes i feel so alone out here by myself, and then i get over it. but i couldn't do it without my big brother. even if he's in a whole different country. 

169 days

i'm only good at being young

i would rather be home alone then out with a guy who sells socks on the internet

no, i did not go out on a date with a guy who sells socks on the internet. but i think it says something when i kind of wish he did. that way we could have had something interesting to talk about to talk about. sooo, the guy who hit on me at school, had been asking me out every night since. and i'm sorry, but if you want to do something at 12:00 in the morning, i'm going to say no. (unless i think it may be worth it) but, if it's a first date type of deal.. i have school at 8:30 and i would rather not do that whole late nighter thing with someone i hardly know and blah blah blah. anyways! he keeps asking and asking, so friday night there's a black tie party at noahs in lindon. me and all of the roommates are going, so i figure i'd invite the kid. i would be with my roommates too, so maybe it wouldn't be as bad... well jokes on me. it was awful.

it's a black tie event right? they're doing a money drop, handing out free redbull, there is going to be a giant dance floor, and apparently this is utah's "hottest party of the year". so we get all glammed up in black dresses, curly hair, and seductive makeup and run out to meet, lets call him bob, in the parking lot. i should've realized the miss-communication when he was wearing a coat that went to his ankles and an oh so proper outfit underneath. i instantly felt like a tramp. giving him the benefit of the doubt, me and katelyn hoped in his car and off we were.

we got there way too early. and i knew we would, leaving at 9:00... but bob insisted we left early enough. we showed up, and again.. being way too early. we explored and then took a seat, waiting for the rest of our friends to arrive. before i begin, this place was AWESOME. noah's is this giant entertainment lodge kind of thing. there's four levels. on the first there is rooms with half kitchens in every one, some had pool and ping pong, there was a "security room" where everyone could put their things. the room had only glass walls and had security guarding everything. oh, and there wasn't only security guards in that room, there was security outside of every entry, inside on every floor, in every hallway and inside every room. legit right? the first floor also had the giant dance floor, entry to the garden/grass area outside, bathrooms, staircases, and elevators. the second floor had another dance floor, with more rooms filled with couches for everyone to hang out it, a theater room, which was playing movies as the night went on, and more bathrooms and locked rooms. the third floor had yet again, another dance floor. more locked bedrooms, and another room filled with pool, ping pong, a television, and a kitchen. the fourth floor was exposed to the outside, and was suppose to have ice skating, but all the ice had melted. lame. the entire building was made of concrete, and was beautiful. half of the inside was just plain, exposed cement, and the other half was pretty painted walls, but everything else was up to date furniture and kitchen ware, hardwood floors, and exposed ceilings. it was beautiful.  

alright, back to my date. we show up, and are waiting for the rest of our fraaans. so we take a seat in the first room. we really weren't missing much because there was literally only five people on the dance floor, and bucket loads of people still coming in. and let me remind you, it's about 9:30 at this point, and this is just pure awkwardness. alright, key number one. a first date doesn't mean we're engaged. so don't be all over me like you own me. bob was a repeat offender of this. HE WAS CONSTANTLY TOUCHING ME, and not the cute kind. the creepy lingering kind. whenever he would talk to me he would let his hand linger to wherever the crap it felt like lingering to, and it would stay there... he was even doing it to katelyn! we have an apartment joke that is "accepting people into our personal bubble." (it's from a dating book my mother gave me.. yes. a dating book..) and if you're digging someone you let them into your personal bubble of space. well, i never invited bob into my bubble, but he was all up in it. with his face and lets not forget those lingering hands! i started to count the awkward glances we got from people, and the last thing i want is any of these single, tall, dark, and handsome men at this giant party to think is that i'm about to marry this stranger. so at this point i'm starting to get bugged.

so we decide to walk to the next level. and we get up there and found a few people we knew. so we're talking, it's whatever. thankfully bob isn't all up in my george foreman at that moment. and then i hear someone calling my name. jameson gilbert. FINALLY! a different guy i know that can help me escape from bob for just a couple of minutes at least. so i run over to jameson and give him a fat hug. later kate told me that while me and jameson were embracing bobs face was this...

but of course, it was a guy's face. and i was like...

he was seriously giving me a satanic psycho look. who does that? the night progressed, and amberli and our other peeps showed up. so we started to evacuate the dance floor. and yes, as we entered the dance floor bob started the lingering touching back up again. i was vexed, vexed enough to almost turn around and punch him square in the face. it had passed the uncomfortable part, and was now sinking in the lake of fury. any where i moved, his hand was on my back, his other grabbing my arm, like i was his mother in disneyland. i was waiting for him to wrap around my leg, and make me drag him around the dance floor. the night was crashing, and crashing fast. i kept dancing, avoiding him as much as possible with him still breathing down my neck. and when it got too hot, we all ran outside to let the february utah air cool us down. when we were all outside, i was as alert as an owl. waiting for bob's hand to feel me up anytime soon. and as i looked around, i couldnt find bob anywhere. this was the biggest relief of the night. he had lost me. bob had lost me.

we went back onto the floor and kept dancing. and i wasn't as worried about finding bob, because he had plenty of friends there and looking for someone specific at this point of the night was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. there were people literally shoulder to shoulder, and that made it impossible to find anyone. the group of us wondered upstairs, and as we got to the third floor we all got locked up there. 

bummer..... i'm stuck upstairs with all my girl friends, an open dance floor and breathing room. and they really weren't letting anyone in or out of the third floor. complete lock down.

after we all had recouped we sweet talked a security guard into escorting us back downstairs. the bitter looks we got from everyone was priceless, because he was taking us and only us back down. not going to lie, i loved the special treatment. and he wasn't even feeling me up! the party was practically over, and we were ready to go home. but lets not forget, bob is our ride home..

so we get back down to the first floor and are slowly wondering around, and BAM! bob pops up out of no where. he tells us to wait in the first room, while he goes and grabs a drink, and then we'll head home. we sat in that room at least 45 minutes, thinking for sure bob had left us. which would of been understandable, since we were apart for most of the night. but he came back. took us to the car, and we were gone. the ride home was awkward to say the least. he told me that we could've called a taxi, instead of making him to us. but let me tell you all, that wasn't my intentions at all. the thought of using him for a ride is way too evil for me to do. i'm not a mean girl. i really wanted to get to know him, but bringing him to a giant party probably wasn't the best way to get to know someone. but as we continued to drive home he chewed our ears off. little did we know, he thought it was a "mocktail" party. with maybe 100 people, orderves, fancy none alcoholic drinks, and jazz music. he made it very clear that the event we just attended was NOT his scene. and then he started apologizing to me for loosing me at the beginning of the night. wait. i'm getting apologized to for loosing YOU. bless you're heart. but he kept bashing on everyone there, the girls that wouldn't dance with him, the "juice head" guys who just lift weights and have pea sized brains. (which i'm sure there was a few there, but classifying every guy there like that, guys that me and kate knew, that's a little overboard.) as we entered provo he kept dropping hint after hint that he wanted to hang out some more. but me and kate had had enough. more then enough. as we entered the raintree parking lot, he was on my last nerve, and then BOOM. he bashed hair school. that last nerve exploaded i was about to tuck and roll, and get my ginger self out of that car. he walked us to the door, and being a loyal roommate kate waited for me to say my goodbyes. we hugged, my back turned to katelyn, and he literally stared kate down giving her the hint to leave. i tried letting go, but oh no. he tightened the hug, and i again tried to let go, AND HE TIGHTENED THE HUG AGAIN. my life started to flash before my eyes until he finally loosened up his grip and i was able to run to the door. 

me and katelyn ran to our beds, and sure enough bob texts me wanting to "talk it out." we couldn't help but giggle off the fact that i had been engaged to this man, and had had a fight with him to the point where we had to talk it out all in one night. talk about a fast mover. i was so done with it, and my bed had never been so comfortable.

beauty reflects in your eyes

once again, my heart is still racing from today.

i found a buyer for my itouch, and they bought for almost twice of what i asked for. she was a cute blonde, who had just graduated hair school herself. she had passed her state boards and was already certified. i felt like i was selling electronics in the cosmetology black market when she handed me almost $300 in cash, and then left marinello. did you catch that? three hounded dollars. my mind was blown. ca-ching! so, i rewarded myself with extensions :) i love them! and this is so sad, but i feel gorgeous with them in.. i might not ever take them out even. but hey! guess who got hit on minutes after she put those bad boys in? this girl... it's all the hair baby, all the hair..

my new goal is to get my hair this long... naturally.

we totally had a relief society moment at school today. our class has been through a twelve week exercise together with the esthetician instructor, and today was the end of our little sessions. some of the girls had to give speeches, and of course it was a tear fest the entire time. we all have made fun of these speeches for weeks, thinking that they were pointless ooey gooey heart to heart talks that none of us needed. but at the end of it we were all fixing our tear stained faces and having confessions of how much we all needed each other. dardy, little miss hawaii, said in her speech that it was no "accident" or "coincidence" that we were all placed together for this entire year of school. and that was more obvious today then it has ever been before. i never thought i could get this close with strangers, but everyday i look at each of them and they all feel like old friends.our instructor becky, made it a point to tell us all that she had never been so emotionally intimate with a group of students in all her years of teaching. we could all feel what she was talking about. the air was thick, and whatever was roaming in it, most likely hairspray, was bringing all of us closer.

once everyone had wrapped up their speeches, the esthetician instructor told us a story of two men in a hospital room, who were both bed ridden. one of the men's bed was right next to the window, and the other man who was across the room couldnt see out of the window. so for days, that turned into weeks, which turned into months, the man by the window would describe what he saw out that window, to the man across the room. he would tell him about the big, strong trees, the beautiful mountains, the pond filled with lilly pads, the dozens of birds, the bright green grass, and the charming people that roamed in the scene that illuminated his window every second. then one day, the man by the window passed away. the other man asked the nurse if he could be moved to the other bed, the one by the window, so he could finally see with his own two eyes the heaven on earth that had been described to him for months. the nurse moved him no problem, and finally when the man was able to gaze out the window, he found himself in a state of sheer disappointment. the nurse listened to the mans story of how the man by the window described what he saw every day to him, and that he had done this up to the day of his death, but now as he looked out for the window for himself none of these lovely things were there. he kept begging the nurse for answers as he asked over and over again where all that beauty had disappeared to. the nurse looked back at the man and said.. "sir, that man was blind."

this story instantly taught each of us a lesson. it's true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. how many times have you driven the same path to school, seen the same people, done the same thing, and never noticed the beauty that surrounds you daily? if you haven't noticed a single thing, you might as well be blind. bailey told us a story of how she was at one of her church's christian concerts, and she saw a women dancing her heart out. the bandana that hugged her balding head made it obvious that she was fighting cancer, but as bailey watched her, this cancer ridden women was having the time of her life. and it was the most beautiful thing bailey had ever seen.


so give it a rest and just look.

everybody likes a roller coaster ride

my heart is still racing from today.

got to school bright and early, talked to the boss and got more hours. i'll be caught up in no time now... kristine is an intimidating lady, and talking to her about getting extra hours is a bit terrifying. you have to earn them by being on time, staying for your regular scheduled hours, and then staying for the extra hours she's already giving you. telling her why i wanted more hours, not only to get caught up for school, but to go on a spring break trip and possibly go home this summer, i felt was a bit of a rissskaayy move, but she was more excited then i was. she had an entire plan laid out before my eyes in seconds. thanks for believing in me, recognizing my progress,  and rewarding me. you'da you'da best.

i got a mysterious $5 dollar tip, from no one else but the tip fairy. i checked my tips from last week on saturday, and i got all of them. there's no explanation for where that extra money came from, but i need it. and then the bang trim, the only appointment i got today, tipped me $5 too! $10 in tips, for nothing but a bang trim? thank you tip fairy. you amaze me. the money went right into my saving envelope... :)

if you know the moberg family at all, you know that we have handfuls of ipods floating around our house that we never touch. and i've dragged a few down to utah with me. so, for extra cash i put my itouch up on KSL and was flooded with phone calls in literally seconds. one guy wanted me to meet him in the raintree parking lot, in the green car by the trash can. uhm, what? you think i'm that stupid. one guy called, and i had to break the news that i had a bidder higher then him already. his response in his arabian accent was, "you f***ed up." and then he hung up the phone. those two gave me the creeps... but i have a few bidders who are willing to buy this bad boy for $175. can you say deal? being rushed with so many phone calls and text in seconds almost made my heart explode, so me and kate went and got a cupcake.. again. they're just so delicious! and they take the edge right off. magic i tell you.. magic.

ms. caitlynn lawson is trying out for "so you think you can dance" this weekend. and mattie got tickets? whaaaa? we're going down to salt lake thursday to support our fellow dance mate. she's going to tear it up. i cannot wait to cheer you on caitlynn. oh, and you know i'm hoping to see cat deeley with her awesome accent.


i can't wait for this weekend, for spring break, and for summer.
(well to be honest, i can't wait to go to bed right now.)
tonight i'll fall asleep without a single tear falling from these big hazel eyes.


i have a plan, i know what i'm doing, i believe in myself, and i know it's all possible.